i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
