At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
