if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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