those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
