Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
