my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She needs sedatives and a leash
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
