I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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