It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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