No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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