For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
