I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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