I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
