you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
