Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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