Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my phone needs a breathalizer
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize