So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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