so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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