Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
