I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish you could order shots online.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
