I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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