Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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