I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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