every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's never too late to be topless.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
