He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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