i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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