okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
