Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's shark week go big or go home
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
