My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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