I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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