I wannas sexs uuuuu
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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