Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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