evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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