i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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