I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I supernannyed him into submission
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
