Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This is not my ceiling
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
