Already got asked if we're dating
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
