So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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