Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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