My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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