I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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