Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
