my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
