This girl is more easily done than said...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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