He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
