I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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