Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
