And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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