i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
