Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
