I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
