Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
