Betty ford says i'm here all night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
