Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
